I'm Shrinking

When I was first diagnosed with major depression in 1994 (triggered by giving birth to my firstborn), I was living in a larger urban area, and was under the care of a psychiatrist for a few years. I felt properly supported and cared for. So when I went back to my GP after the bipolar diagnosis, I told him I would really be more comfortable being referred back to my original pdoc even though it's been over a decade, and is a 3 hour drive one way. I'm glad I did. To sum up how my day went I'm posting a letter I just sent a friend who was anxious to know how my day went.

Hi, everything went better than I expected yesterday, in that I was really nervous about it and wondered if he'd remember me even, and also was feeling kind of 'dumb' for wanting to go all the way there for a doctor's appointment. And also because I've been feeling 'normal' the last couple of days mood-wise I felt like I have been making mountains oout of molehills and that nothing is really wrong etc. I always do this. Basically I thought he'd look at me and wonder what the heck I was doing there and send me on my way. Maybe refer me to someone closer to home.

So needless to say, that's not how it went, thankfully. First of all he wasn't sure of anyone 'closer to home' and told me (what I suspected) that the area up here is quite underserviced for the population. So that part eased my mind. So basically if I want to be monitered properly in this I'll need to keep seeing him, which is kind of crazy (haha) seeing as it's quite a drive, but I'm thankful I at least have that option.

So after taking a few 'questionairre' type assessments and after hearing about things, he agreed with the diagnosis of bipolar II made by the pdoc up here. He said that especially if there's a genetic predispostion, then it's not uncommon for stress to cause depression to morph into bipolar. I told him about my hesitancy in taking any more meds and also wanting to decrease my effexor. He didn't say anything negative about that and didn't try to 'sell' me on the whole 'meds are what's going to work here' thing! I was really really encouraged by that. He gave me a couple of books to read on some new psychotherapy (talk therapy) technique and basically told me that before I go any further in decreasing my anti-depressant he's like to see me do some reading and basically have a firmer plan in place as far as what path I want to take. And he'd like to see me in 3-4 weeks.

So I'm feeling very optimistic about things. The books he gave me to read are written by a well-known doctor in the states which he's managed to convince to come and do a seminar here. So he's organized this workshop in June. It's for therapists and also for anyone interested. He gave me the brochure in case I was interested... it was kind of cute, he seemed pretty excited about it. (he's not the type that seems easy to get excited). Anyway, I doubt I'll end up going as it's a steeply priced affair, but you never know, after I read the books I might really want to go and will find a way. Regardless, I'm just glad that I finally feel some decent support.

So there we have it! We headed down around 11am, hit a few thrift stores along the way, and by the time all was said and done we only had about an hour to kill before my 4:00 appointment, so we parked at the office, and hung out in the nearby library there for a spell (exciting, I know, but the kids' section had toys!). Got home around 7:30 I guess, and Ray wasn't feeling well at all, so he's home sick from work today. Ok, well before this turns into war and peace THREE, I shall give you a break and sign off. I'll talk to you soon!! :)