feels like fingernails down a chalkboard

I'm cranky.
The past few days it's been escalating despite my best intentions. It feels like pms-cranky used to. My period ended last week, so no chance it's that. I looked back on my mood charts. Not much to look back on seeing as I started in April. However, I think I've noticed a pattern. It seems that a few days of irritability are preceding either a trip into happyland or hell. The last few times have been happyland. I'll take that, buy me a ticket! I'm keeping my fingers crossed. In the meantime I'm constantly reminding my family that I need a bit of space, that my brain is acting up again.... anything rather than them think it's them. Dear God, please don't let me be ruining my children.

Can I tell you how I went from charting-my-moods-whenever-I-happened-to-remember-and-often-losing-the-chartbook to.... this-is-fun-I-want-to-chart-every-day-and-I-can't-lose-it? Maybe you already know about it, but it's called Moodtracker.com It's free. I love it. I introduced Dr. G to it (my psychiatrist, and what's funny is that I've referred to him by that name over the years, even before the need for anonymity). Anyway, he seemed pretty impressed by it as it tracks a lot of factors in the mix, including: sleep hours, irritability, anxiety, menses etc. Did I mention that it's free?

Ok well, we're supposed to be going to my best friends today, she lives an hour and a half away in a lake-side community. Her kids & mine get along so well and I know mine are chomping at the bit to start getting ready. And a sleep-over to boot! Just try and peel them off the ceiling. The weather is georgeous too, should be a good day. I just hope I can keep these grumpies at bay and change the fact that every little thing seems to be grating on my very last nerve. Maybe I'll try meditating before we go. HA! Like that's going to happen. I hate feeling like this... it's just such a BITTER feeling. I've always found bitter people to be very unappealing. Good thing I've become an accomplished actress over the years.