For us, there's shopping we do in the small city where we live, and then there's shopping you save for when you go into the bigger city nearby. There's not really a whole lot of selection where we live, although it grates me to not support local business.... especially small business. Whatever. I can't let it eat me up, as that seems to not be the best choice for me right now.

So we took the drive yesterday and got some of the shopping tasks taken care of that were building on our list. Brad and I have one day off together per week, and often we spend it doing errands. Boring, I know. But I kind of take comfort and even enjoy our little jaunts about town and beyond. Our daugher does too. They're more often than not punctuated by treats like lunch out, or Timmy stops.

I overestimated things yesterday though. Not far into it, the energy I had on reserve ran completely out, and I had to stay in the car for the rest of the errands. Luckily Brad was very understanding and just took right over. Kind of make a game of it with our daughter. I love his way with her. I hadn't even the energy to talk, and was way too close to tears for comfort. Efforts to talk myself out of it failed miserably.

I'm trying not to see this as failure of me as a person, but as my body and mind just letting me know the limits of what I'm capable of during this particular depression.

How I'm going to return to work tomorrow and get through a day is beyond me. Somehow I did it last week. Not without some funny looks, not without some extreme physical exhaustion, not without retreats to the restroom to try and squeeze tears back in. I just really hope I don't have a melt down and really embarrass myself.

Maybe I need to take a week or so off until I get this under control. I don't know. In a way it kind of helps to be forced to get up, shower, dress, and fake my way through a day. It helps in one way, but it hurts in another; as in I think it's depleting my reserves.

I'll carry on for now. 6 more days and my doctor will be back.