The Things You Can't Hear

I have a Word document that has become a home for quotes I've come across on depression or bipolar that strike a cord with me. The family of quotes residing there get new members on an almost daily basis. I was sitting here reading through it as I often do when I'm down (it somehow brings me comfort). and came across a few that I think I'll post here and there. Unfortunately not all of them come with a source. Oops. If I'm using anyone out there's words without giving you your due credit, I apologize. And do let me know.

I have mixed feelings on quoting. My cynical side loves the way Oscar Wilde sees it:

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

But I think I'm more won over by the words of Sir Walter Raleigh....

'Expression need never be bound by the law of copyright while it follows thought, for thought, as some great thinker has observed, is free. The words were once Shakespeare's; if only you can feel them as he did, they are yours now no less than his. The best quotations, the best translations, the best thefts, are all equally new and original works'

And thus ends my quoting quotes about quoting.

I think basically it boils down to the fact that my brain really sucks wind when it comes to putting thoughts/feelings into words. Other's do it so beautifully, with apparently very little effort. Sometimes I need their help in expressing myelf. 'If only you can feel them as he did'. Yes.

Anyway, these are the words I came across today in my file, from somewhere by somebody that I thought captured the feeling of depression as I'm experiencing it.

"In remembering what I am like when severely depressed.......still maintaining the ability to do the essentials but not much else. Can wash and dress, but not socialise or really speak to anybody. Existing in a state of perpetual paranoia and self hatred, thinking, “I wouldn’t mind not being alive” as opposed to, “I want to die right now”. Checking out the ceilings for places to throw cords, feeling comforted by the medicine cabinet’s contents. Believing with quite calm conviction that everybody hates me. Still able to laugh and make jokes with very little feeling. Can still move but stop for long periods of time. Absolutely exhausted and sleeping a lot. Don’t care much, about anything. Crying often."

Yeah, it's like that. Except for the part about checking out ceilings. I do often envision the various bottles in the medicine chest, however, and they do, oddly, bring me comfort. I'm not at a point of taking those thoughts seriously, but the fact that they actually enter my mind disturbs me.

And, related to nothing other than the fact that I seem to be babbling about quotes: Winnie the Pooh. I'd like to bury my face in his furry little body right now, and thank him for these wise and comforting words....

'Don’t underestimate the power of doing nothing, of just going along and listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering'

'The End'. (Not too bad of a quote either)