I seem to have slowly slipped into a pit. I'm depressed. And very tired of this whole scene. Not ready to check out, or anything sensational like that. Not to worry. But in enough pain and general dysfunction to make daily living a pain in the ass, and something to be feared on a daily basis. When I don't have tears streaming down my face, I'm cynical and snappy. Not at my best you might say. The last of the Effexor is out of my system I've safely arrived at Now What. Do I trudge through this trying to climb a few rungs via Cognitive Behavioural Therapy... or maybe when I eventually get in to see my Shrink, (who's off on a 6 week medical leave and doesn't have coverage for his practice yet) ... maybe try and see if there's some other drug of choice out there that can help this ignorant brain of mine.
My Gp is even hard to get in to see. Not back till Nov. 10th. I went in to see his locum the other day, to see if I could get referred to some other shrink before the New Year, but he basically told me I'm better off sticking with my own, as I wouldn't get in any sooner. Oh, and I basically brought this on myself by going off and on my 'pills'. He seemed pretty stoked when I told him I was unwilling to restart the Effexor. He sat there reading me the statistics, and basically acting like a condescending pompous fool who doesn't know FUCK all what it's like to be on this end. I sat through the appointment glaring at him through tears, and left with a cheery 'screw you'. Quack.
We'll see what the next bit brings. It feels like I'm sliding a little further each day, but I know from experience that the skies can clear at random. This feels like it's been building a long while though, and there's a faint warning bell ringing somewhere in my head. It seems to be gently hinting that this is going to take some heavy duty 'something' to get through.
My job to figure out what the something is I guess. And somehow maintain some degree of functioning in the meantime. Not sure I'm up to that challenge.
On that cheery note, cheerio, and here's to brighter days.
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2 comments:
I've been wondering how you are doing, and it's great to see you back. Too bad though, that you are not doing well. The first thing that came to my mind was to find another GP that actually gives a rip. They are out there and I pray that you will find one. If we could handle all this on our own, there wouldn't need to be doctors at all!!
So, you are not on ANY medication right now?? Seems to me that you need it - "something". Being unstable is not fun. I wish I could help you some how.
Oh my dear Coco,
I think of you often and look for a post from you every time I check my blog feed reader. I had hoped you were just too happily busy with your full life to get on the computer. I'm so sorry to hear that you are doing so crappy and on the "life sucks" trip right now. I agree with PJ that you need to pursue another doc ASAP and that you probably need to be medicated, as trite and unoriginal and unfeeling as that might sound.
I don't take Effexor anymore. I swapped it for Cymbalta. Still, Effexor worked very well for me and sometimes I wish I had not switched. I don't remember why you wanted to be off the Effexor so badly anyway?? The reason I switched -- I was feeling "detached". My mother went into a severe depression when she went off Effexor. She didn't want to switch meds but the Effexor was causing terrible constipation and the doc suggested she needed to switch.
I hope you get this situation sorted out soon, for your sake and because we miss you! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
XOXO PR
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